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Lyn Still Had Goals

This is written with tears.

When Lyn was diagnosed with Bone Cancer the hardest thing for her was not being around to see her children happily married and their children. Emily was happily married. Em and her husband Matt and Nathan loved Lyn and she was so proud of them. Throughout the years Lyn would go into remission only to have to fight again. When Nathan meet Daniel she was so excited and her goal was to be at their wedding. Lyn always liked to look nice and had impeccable taste. From the day she bought the outfit and shoes, until the day of the wedding she became sick with her new medicines bloating her and they didn’t fit. Lyn was devastated. The drive north to the wedding was a long slow drive causing her a lot of pain, but she was going to be at the wedding wearing jandals if need be. She hated not looking good, but couldn’t get it through her head…she did look good. Her kind caring heart shone through no matter what she wore.

Nath moved to London and she missed them, but the day he told her she was to be a grand mother was a happy one in the gloom she lived with and she vowed to be there to see the baby. Some days this goal was so hard for her to keep, but Lyn fought hard. Sophie Lyn was born in January. 2011. At the time Lyn was struggling with it all.The pain, and not being in her own home over took her mentally. She would say “I never thought I would end up like this”, or “Chris I just want out of this hell hole”. It broke my heart. Nathan and Danie were to visit in April, but Lyn didn’t seem to have the will she had previously. She needed a goal. Emmy had Rabby. A well loved rabbit Nathan had as a child. Lyn decided she would tidy him up and put patches on him for Sophie. Her fingers didn’t work, and the pain was incredible for her, but she sewed those patches on. We would sit and remember our kids, the things we did together, remembering good times, things we would put on the collars, plans that would go on for months. Both of us not thinking of the black cloud that hung over us. Each day she did a little more of Rabby until he was done. She had bought gifts for Sophie for her first birthday and other special birthdays until she was 21, but nothing could be as special as Rabby. Rabby who was love by a little boy who had grown to a man with a little girl of his own was to have a tatty Rabby filled with love and memories from a grandmother she would never know.

Lyn saw her precious Sophie in April. She was happy, and so proud seeing Nathan a more caring perfect father than she thought he would be. Lyn knew the precious granddaughter she would never know would be well care for and have a loving family .

Sadly the goals were gone. In July 2011 my wonderful darling friend Lyn lost the battle. I miss her and can not bring myself to take the last few message off my answer machine, or listen to them. It has taken me almost a year not to pick up the phone at 11am to call and see how she was several times a week.I always tried to call at 11am so she knew ti was me and didn’t rush to the phone if she couldn’t get it. I still remember the day the medications must have played with her mind.

I called and as usual asked if anyone was coming to visit. She answered” Chris I am not sure. I will just get my diary”. After a few moments she said ” No one is here tomorrow at 2pm. I will write you in and see you then.” I had to control my giggling as I asked if her secretary was at lunch. I didn’t like to remind her tomorrow was a day I never went to see her as I had commitments, so said “OK see you then”. A few days later I asked if she would charge me for a missed appointment and can still hear her laughing… make me an appointment to see her… ppppfffttt… I treasure those wee memories and all the others. I wish I could see her once more… just once more…  

I live in New Zealand with 2 Labradors. In 2005 I lost my 3 year old Labrador to bone cancer of the jaw. Feeling helpless seeing a friend fight bone cancer I decided to make handmade collars with 50% of the profits going to the Bone Cancer Dogs Org. for bone cancer research. Together we can make a difference.

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